Hello Counseling blog,
It’s been a long time. Two and a half years to be exact, and
in that time a lot has changed. I went from a student to working full time,
moved three times, lived with 7 different people, worked with over 30 different
students, made new friends and lost old ones, and found myself stretched in
ways that I would have never imagined. It hasn’t been easy. In the past two and
a half years, I’ve been betrayed, rejected, and judged by those I’ve considered
like family. I’ve struggled with finances, living situations and a lot of
uncertainty about the future. I’ve seen people do awful things to each other
and found that I could relate to all of them. My sin, pride, and stubbornness
has popped up uglier and more loudly than I would ever want to admit. There were
been many times where I wanted to give up and run away. And I wouldn’t trade
any of it for the world.
It’s been the best few years of my life. With all of those
things, I’ve been totally and completely floored by God’s patience and grace. Life
with Jesus is so FULL. I’ve laughed harder, hoped more, and relaxed with the
best friends anyone could ask for. Anytime I worried about money, God provided
in such obvious ways. I see more how God understands and has already gone
through everything I have, and in turn have been able to allow people to know
and understand me and get to know them more deeply. God constantly surprises me
in his humor and how gently he takes care of his people.
One of the best and most painful things has been facing the
reality of my selfishness, while experiencing the sweetness and freedom of God’s
forgiveness. A few weeks ago, our church celebrated Easter and studied Matthew
28. I got really emotional as we were talking about Jesus’ relationship with
Mary Magdalene, because I am just like her. I literally would have nothing
without Jesus. Mary was the definition of an outcast. She was possessed by
seven demons a.k.a. she was perfectly possessed a.k.a. this girl was messed up
beyond hope. No one wants to hire, marry, or even touch a demon possessed girl,
so Mary had no friends, no money, no husband, no sanity, nothing. She meets
Jesus. He sees her and heals her. After that, Mary is his forever. Even after
she watches Jesus die, she would do anything for him. Mary wasn’t thinking that
Jesus was going to rise from the dead or worried about the next logical step
for her life. All she wanted to do was to take care of Jesus’ body. You can see
her just waiting for Sabbath to end. As soon as it’s dawn, she’s on her way to
the tomb with the other Mary. It doesn’t matter that there is a guard of
soldiers and a four thousand pound rock in the way. She goes, because Jesus
saved her life, and she has nothing without him.
But Jesus is nowhere to be found. Instead, there’s an angel
who tells them that Jesus is alive, and he’s headed to Galilee to meet them and
his disciples. Jesus, in his signature unexpected style, makes a U-turn and comes
to meet Mary and Mary. Jesus is really alive and in front of them saying,
“Greetings!” and “Do not be afraid!” Jesus just rose from the dead, and all he
wants to do is be with the people he loves. Mary comes to him, takes hold of
his feet, and worships him.
I want faith like that. Forget figuring out what’s right and
wrong. Forget trying to find that missing piece of information that will make
you “get it”. Forget learning how to be a good friend. Forget any “sacrifices”
that I made for God. Forget my expectations of what I think God is supposed to
be like. Everything is trash compared to knowing my Jesus. I want to worship at
Jesus’ feet, because I have absolutely nothing without him.
So dear friends, beloved church, hold on. Hold out with
patient endurance in our life with Jesus. Loving Jesus and loving others is
completely worth it. There are days where the bad stuff seems to outweigh the
good stuff – When the world is against you, people inside the church are
against you, and you’re a big old sinner—but God has a hold on his people that
no one and nothing in all of time can break. Life with Jesus is not easy, but
it’s full. Since we have such a faithful Savior/Redeemer/Friend, you can be
vulnerable and love other people. They might disappoint. Actually, they will
definitely disappoint you, but God won’t. Jesus loves his people to the end.
Hold on and fix your eyes ahead to where God is taking us. Jesus is the same
wonderfully merciful Savior right now to us all the way to the end of time. John,
Jesus’ youngest disciple, has a vision where he sees Jesus in the throne room
of God, where Jesus is in his full blazing glory.
“When I [John] saw
him, I fell at his feet as though dead. But he laid his right hand on me,
saying, ‘Fear not, I am the first and the last, and the living one. I died, and
behold I am alive forevermore, and I have the keys of Death and Hades!’”
(Revelations 1:17-18)
Do you see how He is the same Jesus through and through? He
touches John and tells him not to fear, just like he touches Mary’s life, just
like he is intimately in my life and your life. The way that Jesus loves Mary is the same way
that he loves us, all the way to the very end. So hold on.