Jesus & Mary & Counseling

When I tell people that I want to go into biblical counseling, the usual response is a wide eyed, polite stare that says, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” There are a good number of people who think of biblical counseling like a Biblegateway keyword search. You’re feeling anxious? Read Matthew 6 about not worrying, Psalm 23 about how God is with you, and top it off with Proverbs 3 to trust in God and not yourself. Now you’re all set to live victoriously, and I’ll call you later to see how it’s going.

As we have been learning, Jesus works very differently. He is not in the business of quick-fixes and patch jobs; He’s after a relationship. As our church has been going through John 11 and 12, I’ve been really struck by the way Jesus cares for (and counsels!) Mary.

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From Mary’s perspective, her brother was really sick. So sick that Mary and Martha knew that unless a miracle happened, Lazarus was not going to make it. Not only are they faced with losing their brother, but they most likely depend on him for the way they live. With his death, their futures would be very uncertain. So, they send for Jesus, but he doesn’t come. Their worst fears come true, and Lazarus dies with no word from Jesus.

How could Jesus do this? We sent for him; we prayed to him. There are so many times we get upset/disappointed/angry when Jesus does not love us the way we want him to love us.

Mary is no different. Four long, tortuous days pass, and Jesus finally comes. Mary doesn’t even go see him. She stays in the house, surrounded by people who were trying to console her. But Jesus calls for her. Mary hurries to Jesus and just falls at his feet. “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” Jesus is deeply moved and weeps, asking to be brought to Lazarus’ tomb. He prays and raises Lazarus from the dead.

We live in a world with very real problems.  Jesus does not dismiss Mary’s. He does not tell her that she did not trust Him enough, to pray harder, or to get her understanding of Him right. Instead Jesus weeps with her. And although Mary’s grief over her brother is something terrible and devastating, Jesus is in the process of healing something much more broken than a rotting corpse. He is preparing to pay for all of our brokenness, sin, and the death we deserved by sacrificing his perfect life. Jesus sees our sinfulness and selfishness fully, and He chose to come down to us, die a humiliating death, and pay the debt of our sin.  Facing death is scary. Facing an uncertain future is scary. Facing broken relationships is scary. Facing how deep our sinfulness goes is terrifying.

Jesus cares deeply about the situations and circumstances that we go through, and his main priority is to save us to know Him. Jesus showed his love to Mary not because he raised her brother from the dead, but through raising Lazarus, Mary got to see and understand who Jesus is. In the John 12 we see Mary’s response to the way Jesus cared for her. In an undignified display, she pours out her perfume to anoint Jesus, which is worth a year’s income, and wipes his feet with her hair. Mary gives shamelessly to Jesus.

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Biblical counseling isn’t about fixing your issues or the circumstances in your life. It’s getting to know Jesus, the only one who can save, and seeing where your life fits with Him, instead of how God can better your life. God’s intention for Mary and for us is not to simply give us what we want; it’s to give us Himself.